„Maybe my travels so far have nothing to do with inspiration and motivation for the next job. Maybe it’s more about getting rid of fear of living.“
This is what I wrote here while I was on Kauai and Big Island in 2018. Back then, I had many sleepless nights. I had quit my job and was slowly melting through my travel budget which I had built up the last months before I left.
Guided by insights from a book and my own inner pull, I left home with a one-way plane ticket to find… some insights, purpose, myself, the next steps? I just knew, I felt, that I needed to change more than just a job position, the apartment, or my girlfriend.
These were all cover ups.
Traveling by tent across the Hawaiian islands brought me pretty close to something. There wasn’t much to distract me from my thoughts and inner whisper that I gracefully ignored over the last decade when I was embedded in a so-called „save, comfortable, and good job“.
It was not easy to leave. But here I was.
After another sweaty night in the tent, I wrote: “I don’t want to be afraid of living anymore. I don’t wanna wake up in the middle of the night scared. Or too restless to sleep in because of fears. I wanna live. And try things out. And meet many different people who make their way through life in such different and inspiring ways.”
I think that’s when I passed a threshold. Maybe.
The fears stopped afterwards. I didn’t stop there. It never stops, this journey we are on. We are all a work in progress.
A good reminder. Especially when the whisper knocks on my inner door again.
I guess that’s why I found these notes and re-read them right now – the digital version of my notes that live in my blog I started back then. My handwritten notebooks are currently in three different places – my mum’s, my dad’s, and the newest here at my desk.
I still can’t wait to have all these notebooks back in one place.
How do you reflect and remember the journey you are on?
