I’m walking away from the bus station and feel the weight of my backpack. Why did I have to get more food?
Last night, after arriving in Kiruna after a 15 hour bus ride, I panicked a little and bought more food. „Just for one more day“, I told myself. Back at home, I had calculated the daily portions and I knew I should be fine for 8 days. And still, I got more food.
The route I am about to embark on, from Abisko to Nikkaluokta, far in the arctic north, takes me past mountain huts that have the option to buy canned foods like beans and noodles, or to make an emergency call. That’s why I picked this route. Not just for its beauty and challenge, but to also get back into walking with a lot of firsts – first long hike in 5 years and first self-sufficiency hike with a tent. It’s the first time in barefoot boots and I already wonder if this was a mistake. It’s the first time after last year’s diagnosis with MS and the struggles of figuring out what that means.
It’s the first time off-grid and fully offline in 8 years.
I know I will be fine and never more than 10 km away from a hut with other hikers. And still, here I was with „just a bit more food“.
I read somewhere: „Don’t pack your fears.“ I guess this does not only count for hiking but life overall. Every time we are about to try something new or get ourselves into an unknown situation, we would really like to know the outcome already. We really want to feel safe in the unknown which is an oxymoron in itself. Which is not how it works. It’s about letting go of trying to control every single possibility that could happen. And just getting started with a roughly good equipment and set of skills.
I pull out my phone and look at it for a minute. I switch off the morning alarms. The days will follow a rhythm of whatever my body and mind want or need. I post a last message and then turn off my phone completely for what I hope would be the whole trip.
I pass the entrance of the Abisko national park. I can feel my heart slowing down, my breath becoming slow and steady, and I just have to smile broadly. I can’t believe I am back outside with a slightly too heavy backpack.
After I’ve left the national park, the paths become rocky and uneven. I can feel every stone through the barefoot boots.
My foot is bothering me more than I’d like. I stepped into a big nail 2 weeks ago which popped right through my shoe. I was really worried that something serious had been pierced and my whole preparation for this trip was cut short to the resting.
I stop, take the boot and sock off, and put a blister bandaid on the bottom of my foot. Not how it’s intended, but, hey, here we are now.
The path leads slowly up onto higher grounds with less and less trees being part of the landscape. After 18 km and 6 hours on the trail, I stop for the day. The last kilometer was mostly for finding a good spot for the tent. Dry, mostly even, and a bit of wind shelter would be top notch. This one will do.
I set my backpack down. There will be rain over the next days, so I use this cloudy afternoon to practice setting up the tent in rainy conditions with the focus of keeping the inner tent dry. It works better than expected. I put my things inside, suddenly remembering, that this one person tent works only well with a small backpack. Well, I guess backpack and boots can sit in the vestibule tonight.
I look through my food. The first day’s dinner is cold and fresh. Tomorrow evening I will start with heated up dehydrated meals.
While munching on tomatoes, I start writing down thoughts into my little notebook that I brought with me. I download the weather forecast on my GPS device. It looks like quite a bit of rain in the morning and later the afternoon, plus strong winds in evening and night. I am studying the map in front of me, think about adjustments for the daily legs and potential good night spots. It’s feels good to have a physical map with me.
I guess this will be my evening entertainment for the next days. Weather forecast, map, and writing into my notebook.
It’s 20:00 and the sun’s coming out for a last bit. Sunset is around 21:00, sunrise around 04:00. Though, it still doesn’t get really fully dark during the night.
I have another tortilla wrap, some nuts, dried fruit, and a piece of dark chocolate.
