Today I turn 44. I knew for a while that I didn’t want to be a family father in the classic way with my own kids. Although I have a great love for kids and adore my nieces and nephews. I love to work with teenagers and Twens. But now it’s really sinking in this decision.
When I was young, there was no initiation into adulthood, no traditions or rituals or elders for guidance. My granddads passed away too early to cover this role. I can’t really recall to ever heard of a men’s circle back then.
Now, turning 44, I realize there’s no initiation or path to become an elder in my society as well.
I know how much I long for both still – the initiation into manhood but also the deep longing to grow into and give back as an elder.
When I look back at the last years, I can see some dots that want to be connected like night sky stars. I can see a path forming that wants to be continued.
This morning with wool trousers, crampons on the boots, and a Hawaiian shirt, standing in the Swedish sunrise with snow and ice, I guess this sums up perfectly where I am as a person currently and where I wanna go.
This is 44.
+++
As every year, today I think of the wonderful people I have already met along my way, who I have shared time with, grown with, and who made me the man I am. Thank you.
